Once two families agree on a rishta, a series of small ceremonies begins before the wedding. The names change from region to region, and many families use them differently, which can confuse both sides. Here is a simple guide to the most common ones.
Roka
The roka is usually the first formal step. The word means "to stop", as in stopping the search for a match. It is a small, intimate ceremony where the two families meet, exchange blessings, sweets and simple gifts, and formally agree to the alliance.
Roka is common in Punjabi and North Indian families. It is often held at home or in a small hall, with only close family present.
Chunni ceremony
In many Punjabi families, the groom's family visits the bride's home and places a red chunni, or dupatta, on her head as a sign of welcome into their family. It is often combined with the roka or held soon after.
Sagai or mangni
Sagai, also called mangni, is the formal engagement. It is usually larger than the roka, with more relatives and friends. The couple exchanges rings, and both families give gifts, clothes and sweets. In some families, a priest performs a short puja.
Engagement
Today, many families use "engagement" to mean the sagai, often celebrated as a party in a hotel or banquet hall with music and food. The ring exchange is the central moment.
Tilak
In some North Indian Hindu families, the bride's male relatives visit the groom's home and apply a tilak on his forehead, accepting him into the family. This is traditionally a male-only ceremony.
Regional names
| Region | Common name for the formal agreement |
|---|---|
| Punjab and Delhi | Roka, chunni, sagai |
| Uttar Pradesh and Bihar | Tilak, sagai |
| Gujarat | Gol dhana |
| Maharashtra | Sakhar puda |
| Tamil Nadu | Nichayathartham |
| Bengal | Ashirbad |
How long between roka and wedding?
There is no fixed rule. Some families hold the wedding within weeks, while others wait a year or more for a good muhurat or practical reasons. Families often choose dates after consulting a priest or astrologer.
A few practical tips
- Agree with the other family early on which ceremonies you will hold and how big each will be.
- Keep gifts simple and equal on both sides to avoid misunderstandings.
- Use the time between roka and wedding to know each other better, not only to plan events.
Every family's traditions are a little different. What matters is that both sides feel respected and happy as the two families come together.