Saying no is part of finding the right match. Most people meet several families before saying yes to one. Yet declining a rishta can feel uncomfortable, especially when the other family is kind, or when a relative suggested the match.
A polite, clear no is better for everyone than a long silence. Here is how to do it well.
Decide clearly first
Before you say anything, be sure of your decision. Talk it over with your family. If you are unsure, ask for one more conversation rather than saying no too quickly. Once you have decided, don't delay. Waiting only raises the other family's hopes.
Who should say it
In most rishtas, the message goes from one family to the other, usually from parent to parent or through the person who introduced the families. If the two of you have been talking directly, a short message from you is also respectful.
What to say
Keep it short, warm and honest without being hurtful. You don't need to give a detailed reason.
Family to family
"Thank you for meeting us and for your warmth. We have thought about it carefully and feel this may not be the right match. We wish your son every happiness."
Between the two people
"I really enjoyed talking to you, and I'm grateful for your time. After thinking it through, I don't feel we are the right fit. I hope you find someone wonderful."
Through a relative
"Please thank them for us. We liked the family very much, but we feel the match isn't right. We'd like to keep good relations with them."
What not to say
- Don't criticise the person's looks, job or family.
- Don't make up stories that may be discovered later.
- Don't blame the Kundli if that isn't the real reason.
- Don't ignore calls and messages. Silence hurts more than a kind no.
Handling pressure from relatives
Sometimes a relative pushes because they suggested the match. Thank them for their effort, explain that you have thought carefully, and stand by your decision. A good relative wants the right match for you, not just any match.
When they ask why
If the other family asks for a reason, you can give a general one, such as different expectations about city, career or lifestyle. Keep it respectful and true.
On ShadiGiva
If you are using ShadiGiva, you can decline an interest from the profile itself. A simple, polite decline lets the other person move on and keeps the experience respectful for everyone.
A no is not a failure
Each meeting teaches you a little more about what you want. Saying no kindly leaves both families with goodwill, and makes room for the match that is truly right.