In most Indian rishtas, parents meet first or meet alongside the couple. They often notice things the two young people miss. But it can be hard to know what to ask without sounding like an interview, or without offending the other side.
Here is a practical guide for parents.
Go in with the right spirit
The aim is not to test the other family. It is to understand them, and to see whether both families can feel comfortable together for years to come. Warmth and good manners make every question easier.
About the family
- Who lives at home, and who is the family close to?
- What does a normal week look like for the family?
- How are festivals and family functions celebrated?
- Where is the family's native place, and how often do they visit?
These questions tell you about lifestyle, traditions and how close-knit the family is.
About the son or daughter
- What are they like at home?
- What are they most passionate about?
- How do they spend time with family?
- What do they hope for in a partner?
Listen to how the parents speak about their child. Pride, warmth and honesty are good signs.
About expectations after marriage
- Where do they see the couple living?
- How do they feel about the daughter-in-law working, or the son-in-law's career plans?
- What role do they see themselves playing in the couple's life?
- How involved would they like to be in decisions?
This is where many future problems can be spotted early. Ask gently, and share your own expectations too.
About values
- What matters most to your family?
- How do you handle disagreements at home?
- How important are religion and rituals in daily life?
Questions to avoid
- Anything about dowry or what "gifts" are expected. Dowry is illegal and these questions push good families away.
- Questions about looks, complexion or weight.
- Pointed questions about income or property in the first meeting.
- Comparisons with other rishtas.
What to listen for
Notice whether the other family listens as well as talks, whether they ask about your child too, and whether they speak respectfully about women in the family. How a family treats people is often clearer in small moments than in big answers.
After the meeting
Talk with your son or daughter before giving your view. Share what you liked and what worried you, and ask how they felt. The best decisions come when parents and children decide together.
ShadiGiva's Personalise plan includes a relationship manager who can coordinate family meetings and help both sides talk comfortably.